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Feeling blue....

So, I have been feeling pretty shitty lately, well just recently. I have kept in so many emotions and now I feel like they are catching up to me. Working the amount I have been working too is starting to take a toll on me. Yeah I love making money and all that stuff, its just I work so many hours to get paid shit. I guess that's what I get for it being just a minimum wage job. But its tiring. I am now working the overnight shifts so my sleep schedule is all fucked up, I feel like I never have time for anything. Which is basically true. It sucks so much sometimes, I have been trying to become good friends with one of my high school best friends but I never have time for her.  It sucks...it feels like the only friends i have are at work and those aren't even real friends. I feel like i have nobody to talk to...All the friends I used to have are gone. They have started going to school with out worrying about me. It sucks...

I have recently found out from one of my co-workers told me that he believes that someone there likes me, or the way he put it.."he has an uber crush on you" and it sucks, because I think the guy that  my co-worker told me about is a great guy and fun to hang out with but the only problem is the fact that he's almost three years younger than me meaning, in high school still. Ah!!!! it sucks. I wish I could just figure things out, I am ready to find someone to be in my life, I'm tired of being alone and feeling so sad...I know if i had someone I wouldn't feel this way.

I put up a front for everybody to think that I am a happy go lucky person, yet inside I feel lonely and kinda out of place. Like I really don't know exactly where I belong. Lately I have also been thinking about changing my major completely and doing something that I have loved for a long time, and that's become a Chef. I have gotten in contact with a couple culinary school and I have really been thinking about going I just don't know if its a great idea...I have been trying to weigh out all the pros and cons to this decision. But I have yet to figure it out.

So, I have already figured out what my plans are for next summer, since the olympics are coming up and my 21st birthday will be next summer too, the plans are going to Florida and hanging out with friends and watching the olympics at an awesome condo and just have an awesome party for my birthday! I can't wait!!! anyway, I better go for now i am gonna try to get some sleep...Don't think its gonna work but I guess ill try!

toodles
-jess

Blogged with Flock

its been a long while

so, lets see the last time I wrote in this journal Casey mears had yet to win his first race in the nextel cup and now that has happened...wow thats been a while! so...lets see what has been going on...well..i am no longer going to school at UTPA i will be coming back home and going to school at least for a semester or two...its pretty crazy what can happen in just a couple of weeks and what work here at home will do to you. Lately i have been liking more and more working at mc donalds...maybe its just the fun atmosphere and having people that are cool around me...dont get me wrong i miss my friends like crazy and i wish i could see them..but that wont happen anytime soon...anyway, from what i have heard word is spreading fast about me not going back but whatever...anyway...gonna go fix the myspace right now..peace easy.

time dwindles down...

time is slowly dwindling till its time for me to be home and away from the valley im kinda excited about it actually i am ready to be at home and with my family. finals are approaching and its one big crazy mess...i have so much work to do in such a little amount of time..and the more and more i think about school the more i want to change my major right now its pr and sports management but now i am thinking about pr and prelaw...and do copyright infringement and also i would be able to draft my own contracts without having anybody else do it for me...it would be all me...right now i dont know what do to...i know when i get home i have to try to find a lovely job so i can work my summer away.... we will see what happens...right now...i just want to get though this semester and be happy....life is ok right now..i have people at school who think i spread rumors about them..but the funny thing is i have not once said anything about them...lately i just dont know who to trust...sometimes i dont want to trust anybody..i want to just be by myself..but i dont know...ah!!!!

I wish i wish i wish...i wish to much...lately since the things that happened at VT i have re thought the way my life is...life cant be about wishing...i need to live everyday to its fullest because you never no when it will be your last and i know that all the ppl that died are in a wonderful place and are with the lord our savior. 



this picture was from the memorial service held at my university...it was a very sad day and it made me re-think my entire life and how i am with my friends and in life....

Life is a wonderful blessing!


REST IN PEACE


Jessica

MIA is an understatement....

Wow its been so long since i have written on here, I have been so busy with school and all that other stuff i really dont have time to write about me...so much has happened...i have learned exactly who is my friend and who isnt and i am happy now...well sort of...i guess in time i will be...i hope everybody lets me know how they are doing..i am hoping to start writing again..but i dont know if ill have time...just thought i would see how everybody is doing and tell them i am not dead...


oh yeah...justine this is for you...it was in our magazine if i find a copy again ill send you the mag :)




hope you like!!!!! miss you guys!

so..

well...life couldnt get anymore complicated could it...i wish i could figure out what i want to do..and what is right for my life but of course i cant....things are so hectic and i am getting to much shit pilled on me..i think i need to slow down a bit...but i dont know what to tell anybody or what to say... iam not working on a lot more stuff for greek council and i feel like i havent seen my friends in forever and now that i am sick it sucks even more...anyway, tonight my friend is having a party and i think i am gonna go..unless some thing dramatic goes down..then things will be cool..if not i dont know what i am gonna do....oh..how i am hating my life at the moment but i guess things can only get better..or worse...i really dont know..all i know is that i miss home and that doesnt happen that often so i think i might be going home soon...anyway...got to go...my meds are starting to kick in and i am getting sleepy!

toodles!

Tags:

oh wow...

wow its been a long time since i have posted...so lets see, right when i got to college i went into sorority overdrive. I am now head of two different major committees here on campus and i am working on all my stuff for diamond dolls that stuff has to start asap. I have three major days of events happening with the sorority and its gonna drive me insane!! literally!!! i dont want to have to deal with all this stuff. I also just hurt my little toe yesterday by getting drunk and not seeing where i was going..its is so smart of me dont you think. anyway, lets see, i have met many amazing people yet again this semester and it has barely started. I met all the new baseball players which i have to say are GORGEOUS!!! i am gonna have a good spring semster. i went to 4 pro baseball games which were awesome, i have been really disappointed in my self though i havent been able to watch any nascar because my cable in my room is weird and i dont know all the stations yet even though i have lived in this area for over a year now..i havent gotten used to it yet...and of course its like little mexico down here there is no speed channel so i am being deprived of that channel. i cant wait for thanksgiving and i get real tv and real food..i am already tired of cafeteria food. blah!!! anyway, lets see, new semester new boy! will not say the name but he is a sweet heart and awesome to hang out with. he has changed so much since the last time i saw him...which is cool..he is gorgeous! and well we have had some fun times already this semester and i know there will be a shit load more. oh i said i would post up pictures...so here are a couple so far from this semster.


so i have class now and i need to go..i think i have a quiz..lovely philosophy! cant wait!! haha yeah right anway...write more later and post more pics later!!! hope you like! to all my friends i miss yall write more soon!!!

well..well well

well lets see, i know i havent wrote in a while. well lets see whats been going on, I have been really busy with school and been having fun as usual. I think i am gonna go on hiatus for  a couple of weeks and ill be back once i get my shit together.

-toodles.

blah blah blah...lala....hehe..haha

so lets see...my addiction for Nascar was filled a little today so that was cool. anyway, at the practice they talked to Carl and they mentioned Tom and showed him so I am hoping as the weekend goes on they will mention Tom again and maybe just maybe they will show Justine's shirt that she designed! Ah! that would be the greatest thing for her. 

anyway, no pictures of Mr. Mears yet but an article yes, he did another one for Yahoo Sports! non of my questions got answered this time..bastards lol just kidding. anyway heres the article.
So yesterday My roomate called me it was really random..I had never received a phonecall from a roomate before..anyway, so I go on Facebook to see if I can find her, I do, and I find out she is in my archrival sorority. This is going to be a odd year. Hopefully I'll get lucky and she will move out. I'll probably be bitching a lot about her if things dont go right...greek week will be hell!

So i was thinking a lot today about the guy have liked for a while...and i really miss him..i sometimes wish i can get him out of my head but its hard...

Oh yeah...I got a random Nascar dvd today...about the entire chase of 2005 there are alot of really cool things on it...and like everysingle beyond the wheel interviews from 2005 are on it too.. anyway, there are some cool parts with Carl and Brian Deegan...if I can when I get back to school I will make some screen caps for all those Icon makers out there. 

anyway..im pretty bored..gonna write some and then I guess study..I got to tests on monday and I need to make A's on them. So i think I really need to study...:)

-toodles

FRIENDS ONLY